The Path

My posting frequency has been unacceptably low of late. Of course, I have plausible reasons for this. Not matter the situation, there are always excuses.

With a somewhat "normal" forty hour a week job, writing six columns a month, fumbling my way through writing a "book", learning Spanish, and maintaining a somewhat functional social life, it often seems that Warm Evenings has been squeezed from it's natural spot at the top of my list of priorities.

I seem to have the exact opposite problem of Hugh Grant in About A Boy. His entire life was one of leisure. Now, granted, I just got back from an amazing trip to Hawaii so I suppose there are parts of my existence that could be construed as "leisurely." The difference, I like to think, between myself and Will is rather large. While his daily plan is to simply take up chunks of time during the day until it is over, I seem to run out of those chunks. He visits the record store or the movies for something to do. I've begun to feel as if I have too much to do. Anytime I get to sneak off for a movie is a treat.

All of this is such a stark contrast to my life at this time last year...in truth it's in stark contrast to the majority of my life. Not much ever got in the way of me doing as I pleased, very much similar to the way Will lives in the film. In the past I was too content to "float on," like the song implores. It's a mindset that in many ways I still think I have. I can all too easily shut out the problems of the world around me. It is both a gift and a curse. It's hard to push yourself to accomplish something when you possess a general sense of ambivalence towards life.

So it is all very odd for me to truly care about something outside myself--to generally and openly seek to become something. My past was consumed with finding something to do to finance the things I wanted to do. After spending almost a year here, I have finally realized the futility in this sort of behavior. Without actively seeking the life you want for yourself, you'll never attain a sense of pleasure in your life. I'm not there yet but I feel I'm at least on the path. And that is certainly better than wandering aimlessly in the woods.