Crooked Stickers

My personal skill set has never included arts and crafts. I am a proud person and do not like to readily admit my own shortcomings but there is no way around it. I can't draw, I can cut straight lines, and when I try to paste something I inevitably smear too much on and the glue squirts out the sides. This past February as part of my Valentines Day present to Morgane I tried to cut pieces of paper into heart shapes. They all ended up looking like jagged arrowheads instead of the perfect rounded hearts of my imagination. Honestly I am not entirely sure how I ever passed arts and crafts in elementary school. Arts and crafts isn't generally a subject they hold kids back in though they probably came close to making an exception for me.

What all of this is building up to is that as inept as I am with straight lines, I should never make fun of someone else in the same boat. The lone exception to this rule is bumper stickers.

I try to always abide by the "if you can't get it on there straight don't put it on" rule as my guide for bumper stickers. Since I have problems with those sort of things, this rule has largely served to keep my cars sticker free. We don't even have to get into the nature of car stickers--just keep them straight if you're sticking one on your car.

The impetus for all of this was a car I saw driving down Rogers Avenue today. The car had a crooked, "Please Don't Drink and Drive" highway patrol sticker on the rear panel. Crooked might be an under statement. It was severely askew. So askew that it occurred to me that the people who put it there had to have been drinking at the time of application. My imagination quickly took it one step further. I could easily picture the applicants thinking that putting that particular sticker there would keep the "fuzz" off their tails when they were out carousing.

Of course if I was a patrolman, crooked stickers promoting designated drivers would be my first tipoff that something other than the sticker might be askew, namely the owner.